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The Jewish Grandmother in my Head
Is it just me or does anyone else worry about the strange things you worry about now that you’re getting a little older? Wait. I don’t mean older exactly. I’m 35. I can’t and don’t call myself old, so maybe I should say now that I’m not 18-25 or something. But anyhoo, I was just thinking today, that I worry about strange things.
Okay, I’m going to have to interrupt myself again and say, not “worry” exactly so much as, have a thought occur to me, followed almost immediately by a thought of “that’s strange”. Worry connotes a little too much attention. I just mean I think about it briefly with a touch of worry, but not actually “worrying”.
But even if I am not worrying per say, that little, niggley thought remains. Whether or not I’m going to allocate any of my actual worrying bandwidth to the thought is somewhat irrelevant to this post.
What is relevant is that now this random, possibly worrying thought is in my head. And I’m not sure why. In my wild and wooly days, these kinds of thoughts just didn’t occur to me. So now I am wondering. Why do these strange things occur to me? Is it because I am getting older (see previous caveat)? Or because I am getting crazier (okay now maybe the caveat isn’t applicable)? Or because I am tireder (not a word I know, but I like the flow better than, more tired)?
For example: Today I was on my way to the cafeteria when I got to the large, double wide and double high staircase down to the caf. Just as a side note, the staircase is open to the whole dining room. I am wearing a skirt, tights (see rant here) and heels, so I merged to the right and rested my hand on, sort of dragging it down the entire length of the handrail as I walked down. You know, just to be safe. Normally I would never touch a public hand rail <icky> much less rub my hand down the entire length, but as I stated before, I was wearing heels.
And then it happened… the thought:
Ooohh, this is a little precarious. Good thing I’m touching this icky hand rail. I could have tumbled, literally, head over heels down these stairs. That would been embarrassing. What underwear am I wearing today? Oh crap it’s a thong (and the following is a flash mental image that only took a millisecond to pop through the thought) <because I am wearing these dreaded tights and my favorite choice - boy shorts- bunch up too much under tights>. The control top part of tights are not attractive. I wonder if these are see-through? That would be awful. I wonder why I am worrying about tumbling down the stairs. I am holding the handrail. I’ve never worried about things like this before. When I was younger? I’m not old. What the heck is wrong with my brain? I should totally blog this. Other people have got to have totally bizarre kinds of thoughts that they didn’t use to have. Is it the Jewish grandmother that I will someday be, coming to the fore? Perhaps the only difference between me and my grandmother is that I keep all the crazy sounding worrying to myself while she used to say it all out loud. Like: “God forbid, you should trip and fall down the stairs and everyone would see your underpants through your unattractive, cream colored, control top tights.”So anyway, all of that was in the time it took me to walk down a flight of stairs. Humm… Now that this is written down it sound a little crazier than it did in my head. Oy! Perhaps I am a little nutty. And you know what is occurring to me right now? What on earth makes me think you want to know about the crazy Jewish grandmother living in my head.
Right then! So in conclusion, I’m not exactly sure why these bizarre things occur to me. But it also occurred to me today that maybe it is because I am getting older. See… my conclusion circles around to the thesis statement put forth in the introductory paragraph. Aren’t you pleased?
You might be a little batty…but that might be why we keep you around
January 29th, 2009 at 3:33 pmMiss you. Love you. Even the Jewish Grandmother in your head (I totally have that too btw). xoxo your lil sis
Once when I was in the Himalayas I had to walk up a very steep part of a mountain. I could hardly breathe and had to stop every 3 feet. I thought I’d never reach the top. Then I started to think that I might have a heart attack. I was only 50. And then I thought I could have a heart attach and tumble down the mountain. And what if I broke my leg? I wondered why I was entertaining those thoughts. They seemed pretty crazy to me at the time. So maybe it’s the nature of mind, to come up with crazy thoughts. Sometimes I just ignore my mind when I realize what it’s thinking is not worthy of my attention.
January 31st, 2009 at 3:09 pmI am a little bit worried about my Israeli relatives who are vacationing in The Egyptian Sinai right now. I hope the kidnapping rumors are not true.
April 13th, 2010 at 7:05 pm